I'm Pregnant!

 We have joyful news: I’m pregnant with baby Lwoyelo number two!!

 

We found out we were expecting in December.  It’s taken me so long to share because frankly, I’m afraid and have been a bit in denial. Can I handle two babies under two?  I had serious PPD (postpartum depression) after Anna was born.  What if it happens again? I’ve been facing these fears and choosing trust, but it’s hard.  Many times I’ve sat down at the computer wanting to share but have found myself unable, feeling something like shame. My pregnancy wasn’t “planned” (I use quotes because God planned it), and there are so many questions we don’t know the answers to yet: How will this affect our plans to visit America? How will we afford another baby when our monthly support is so low? And scariest for me: Where will I give birth?

Our hometown, Kakamega, has no safe birthing choices at all.  With the life-threatening complications I faced after Anna’s birth, I am at higher risk for a few things, including a precipitous (very fast) labor. I’ll need to be close to a good ER facility and have ambulance services available. (To read Anna’s birth story and better understand my situation, Click Here.) Nairobi is our only real option.

 

I do believe that I will have a beautiful birth and a healthy baby, but I’m taking precautions.  We know we need to be in Nairobi.  We’ve chosen a birth center there. I’ll be in good hands and have immediate access to the ER if needed.  But to pull this off we need a couple of miracles. Most of all we need a vehicle. (Click Here to read why). We have no way of getting to Nairobi at this point other than public transportation, which would be a nightmare, and would pose its own risks of causing preterm labor, since I’ll be eight months pregnant.  Getting around in Nairobi, getting me to the birth center once in labor and getting safely home with our newborn all require a vehicle. 

Even though we know we have to go to Nairobi for the birth, we have not been able to see how this can happen.  I know that we are to walk by faith and not by sight and right now our faith is being seriously challenged. Since Anna was born preterm, we’ll go to Nairobi in July, weeks before my due date, and be there as long as needed—up to two months.   How can we afford it?  Living expenses (food, laundry, and so on) will be around $1000. The birth will cost another $1000 (if there are no complications). 

We only have a month left for God to provide all of this.  Many times I’ve broken down in tears before the Lord as my humanity gets the best of me.  But then He comes through and a miracle happens; the other day a missionary friend in Nairobi offered us their home to stay in while they are on furlough during July and August. All we have to do is pay utilities!!  That just took off a good chunk from our Nairobi housing budget! 

I know that this is all part of being a missionary—of being a Christian really.  Having our faith refined; facing challenges that seem impossible, yet clinging to faith the size of a mustard seed, saying this mountain will move.  One thing I’ve learned from being a missionary these past years is that God uses His people.  We are all part of a body and therefore there is no shame in sharing our needs and asking for help.  We need help.  We need the funds for a car and for this birth by July and we know how crazy that is.  We don’t have much saved—we used most of what we had for Anna’s birth and for moving last year and our health insurance is very limited.

Will you help us?  If you would like to give a financial gift or join our monthly support team please Click Here.  Or make checks payable to Pearl Hodgkinson and send to Vinnie Hodgkinson P.O. Box 112 Middlefield, OH 44062

Thank you!!

 

 

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Honestly, facing labor again brings mixed emotions for me.  On one hand, I am so excited for a second chance to give birth, without any complications or scary ambulance rides—without almost dying. I’m so excited to be able to hold my baby as long as I want, instead of separated from her for hours and hours, fighting for my life; to be able to nurse immediately, instead of my baby’s first drink being formula given by nurses, not my life-giving milk; to be strong, instead of so physically and emotionally weak from blood loss that I can’t even stand up by myself; and to be aware and able to cherish those first moments, days and weeks with my newborn.  I’m excited because birth is such an intimate time with my Creator, partnering with Him to bring life, as I’m pushed beyond my own strength and have to rely on the Spirit moving through me; discovering what I’m really made of and how to dig deeper and find more strength than I knew I had.  It’s an intimate time between husband and wife; he gets to see the beautiful warrior he married and be amazed and in awe of her.  The love and commitment between the two becomes tangible and intense, together bringing forth the most amazing expression of love, half her and half him in perfect union and beauty.  When they see their baby for the first time, time stands still as three hearts become forever one.  In that moment all is well with the world. 

But on the other hand, I’m terrified.  They say first-time moms face the fear of the unknown, while second-time moms face the fear of the known.  I know what can go wrong.  I know how easily what is so beautiful and innocent can turn ugly.  I ask myself, What if it happens again?   What if it’s worse this time?  Do I have it in me to fight like that again? 

 

One thing I am convinced of though: God will be there and all shall be well one way or another.