I really wanted to share our birth story because it is an experience that has changed my life forever and has given me a whole new perspective and appreciation for life and the power of prayer. It is the first time I’m writing this story so forgive me if it’s a bit scattered or long.
On the night of Thursday February the 13th I was late getting to bed. At almost midnight my head finally hit the pillow as I let out a big sigh happy to finally be in bed. Since John had gotten back from his trip to Kakamega lots had happened. I had had a pre-eclampsia scare with multiple symptoms that when put together were concerning and was told to go on moderate bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. Since he had gotten back we were also busy with getting the house set up and ready for baby's arrival which we thought would be around 38 or 39 weeks since a few weeks early births run in my family. But with being on bed rest nesting was challenging for me which left much to John. Anyway, I was finally in bed when all of a sudden I felt like I was peeing myself. I got up and *splash*, my water broke, or should I say it gushed. I stood frozen calling for John who came and took one look and also froze for a moment. Umm, we weren't ready but apparently that does not matter when it comes to baby =). We both took deep breaths and then a wave of excitement, anticipation, and little fear washed over us. We called the midwives to let them know.
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| Broken water |
See this whole pregnancy John and I had felt challenged to walk by faith and trust God with this baby. Losing the last two we learned that life and death truly are in God's hands and not the doctors or any one else’s. We involved doctors where needed but refused to put our faith there instead of on God. So after much prayer and research we decided we wanted a home birth and God provided a team of well educated midwives: Lucy, Jannekah and Kristin.
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| Lucy & Jannekah at my last prenatal |
Since I had no contractions yet the midwives told me to do my best to get some rest since I was gonna need it, and when the contractions started to let them know. I had not even packed a hospital bag yet so began doing that. We had planed for a home birth but had identified the nearest good hospital as a plan B in case it became necessary, and we had an ambulance service as an emergency back up as well. Being that the baby was coming early, 36weeks, John and I were not sure the home birth option was still possible. The midwives were in agreement to move forward with the home birth, but stressed that it was our choice. I called and let my mom and sister know my water had broken. I also called my best friend here in Kenya, Lilian, who is training to be a midwife and was planning to travel to Nairobi to attend the birth. Lilian told me she would be on the first bus the next morning and that I wasn’t allowed to give birth until she got here. I laughed and told her that was in God’s hands. After I packed the hospital bag John and I went to bed praying for God's direction and peace as to how to proceed, home or hospital. I was able to get some sleep which I was thankful for.
The next morning contractions had still not started. At around 11 amLucy came over to check on me and my progress. I was only 2 cm dilated. She advised us to go about our day as normal and to even go out and get some exercise which could help the contractions start. So that is what we did. We went to the mall and did some shopping that we needed to do since there was a lot for the home birth we still needed to pick up. John and I both felt peace in our hearts to move forward with the home birth, after all that was what we had both felt was God's direction this whole pregnancy, but we agreed we would take one step at a time with the hospital as an option at any point. When we got home at around 4 pm, still no contractions, I felt the need to begin really praying. I created a calm and relaxing environment in our bedroom with candles and soft worship music, took a shower, and then just began meditating and praying over my womb and baby.
John came in and joined me and we had the most beautiful time of worship and prayer together. John laid hands on my belly and prayed, we read Scripture over baby, Psalm 139 amongst others. It was so beautiful. After a few hours of that we both felt such peace that God was in control and contractions would start soon. We kept checking my and baby's heart beat to make sure everything was fine and it was. We both knew that if it got to 24 hrs and still no contractions we would have another decision to make. I decided to make dinner since we had prayed and given it to God and there was no sense in obsessing over why contractions had not started yet.
Almost as soon as I let go of worrying and just gave it to God, as I began dinner, I began to have early labor contractions. This was at about 9 pm. I called the midwives and let them know. Ironically, Lilian had just arrived as my contractions began. She joked, “I told you that you had to wait for me but now that I’m here you can proceed in having the baby.” I finished dinner and by the time dinner was done my contractions were about five minutes apart lasting about 30 seconds and were getting more painful. I decided to go lie down and see if I could sleep a little to gather strength for what was ahead. That didn't work. So I decided to play Scategories with John to try and take my mind off what was becoming increasingly painful contractions. We didn't even finish one game. I called the midwives to let them know that my contractions were now three minutes apart and painful beyond what I could ignore or distract myself from. I had begun having to breathe through them. That was their queue and they were on their way.
By the time Lucy arrived I was in heavy labor, and about 20 minutes after her arrival I went into transition. The first question I asked her when she arrived was how soon before I needed to start pushing coz I was already starting to feel the urge to push. The contractions became so intense my whole body shook and it took everything in me to just breathe. About 40 minutes after Lucy arrived; I was on all fours on our bed pushing. John was amazing as he held my hand and helped me breathe through each contraction. When it got to the last few contractions, we both began praying in tongues in between contractions and the Holy Spirit just gave me such strength, it was awesome. Baby was born at just a few minutes past 1 am on Saturday, February the 15th. John was the first one to see her and touch her and he cut the umbilical cord. As soon as they put baby Anna in my arms, I began singing over her the song God had put so strongly on my heart during the last part of my pregnancy. It is a song I grew up hearing my father sing while playing the guitar.
I personalized the words and sang it over Anna:
"You are a child of destiny Anna, that's who you are you are a child of destiny. Bought by the Lamb and you know where you're going and you know who you are and that He loves you and gave Himself for you, you are a child of destiny."
And then John and I began praying over her and just speaking truth over her and speaking prophetically her identity as a child of God over her. It was so precious, so meaningful, so perfect a moment. And God answered my prayer that I had been praying over her the whole last trimester that she would come out with fully developed and strong lungs and she would use them and cry loudly as she breathed deeply the breath of life into her. And that's exactly what happened. For a one month preemie she was amazing, her lungs were strong and she cried and breathed deeply.
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That is my perfect birth story. But there is a part two. A scary part that has changed me forever but has also given me a testimony that I will share and give glory to God until the day He takes me home.
Shortly after the birth, Lucy mentioned that the placenta was not out yet. She had me resume a birth position for a few minutes, but nothing. Lucy felt I might need to relax a bit for the placenta to come out, so John and I went to take a warm shower together as Lucy dressed the baby. While in the shower, I felt contractions begin again. With each contraction a lot of blood started coming out. I began feeling light headed and felt the heat of the shower wasn't helping, so I got out. Only a few minutes of contractions with heavy bleeding, and Lucy quickly realized this was not a normal situation. I kept having painful contractions but all that came was lots of blood, no placenta. I have never seen so much blood in my life, and it was mine! I was so focused on the contractions and was beginning to feel quite weak, light headed and tired, but I overheard Lucy tell John that it was time to call the ambulance right away, which John quickly did.
The next thing I knew, I had passed out, they said for about three minutes. When I began to come to, I was throwing up all over myself and the floor. I could hear John's voice so loudly seriously interceding and praying over me. I opened my eyes and he was the first person I saw. John was standing over me praying loudly "In the name of Jesus you are ok Pearl! You have the victory; you are going to be ok, wake up!" And I heard him rebuking the enemy, "You can not have her! You have been defeated in Jesus name!" I could also hear Lucy praying as she stood over me holding my hand, "You are ok Pearl. God's strength is enough for you!" As I began to come to and understand what was going on, I asked if I had passed out and Lucy said yes. I asked for how long and she told me it was about three minutes. As I lay there on the floor watching Lucy prepare a drip for me, and John call the ambulance, it hit me that this was serious. Then I said something Lucy told me later reassured her that I was going to be ok. I told her, "You know I have stupidly always wanted to know what it would be like to black out. It's not very romantic."
They slowly picked me up and placed me in a chair. I had almost no strength and could barely even lift my arm. Lucy started to take my blood pressure and as soon as she did I told them I was gonna pass out and indeed I blacked out for the second time. Again I woke up throwing up all over myself. Contractions continued every few minutes with gushes of thick clotty blood. I remember thinking to myself that the ambulance was taking forever, even though it only took 20minutes for them to arrive. Lilian was the one cleaning up after me. I remember looking at her scooping up handfuls of my blood into a bucket. I caught a glimpse of her eyes as she looked at me, I knew. I saw it in Lilian’s eyes; she was terrified. It was at that moment I knew I wasn’t doing well. Lilian and I grew up together and have been extremely close friends, like sisters, and I saw in her eyes the truth she couldn’t hide. I blacked out a third time before the ambulance finally got there. When deciding who would go in the ambulance with me to the hospital, I told Lilian that I wanted her to stay back. If the worst happened, I didn’t want her to see it. I knew it had become too much for her, she couldn’t stay objective. I was her best friend. So John and Lucy came with me and Lilian stayed behind. As soon as the ambulance guys walked in the room and checked me, I heard one of them tell Lucy that she had done everything they would have done to stabilize me, and that all that was left was to get me to the hospital. I am so thankful for Lucy who by the way was an ER nurse before starting her own midwifery practice.
They put me on a stretcher, but because of the way our apartment is built with such sharp corners, they quickly realized there was no way the stretcher was gonna work. So I was moved again from the stretcher back to the chair, and the two ambulance guys along with John, carried me down five flights of stairs, while I was sitting in a chair. Our apartment complex doesn’t have an elevator. Keep in mind this whole time I continued to have very painful contractions with gushes of blood going everywhere with each contraction. I was covered in my own blood and puke. When we were finally in the ambulance, I began feeling sleepy, and John kept telling me to look at him and keep my eyes open. That was the first time I had ever ridden in an ambulance. Lucy was carrying the baby with us in the ambulance.
We got to Karen Hospital ER and nurses began working on me. I heard the doctor comment that my veins had collapsed as he was trying to get a new IV in me. I started feeling like I was gonna pass out again, but this time something deep inside me felt that if I passed out one more time, I might not wake up, at least not on my own. I remember thinking to myself that this might be it, I could actually die. And thoughts came into my head like I might not get to raise our precious baby girl, and John will be a single father, and how unfair that is. I remember thinking to myself that that was just not ok. The injustice of it all hit me and I decided that dying was not an option, I had to stay awake, and I had to fight. They gave me oxygen and that helped me to stay awake. The doctor finally found a vein, and then explained that he had to remove the placenta manually.
I heard Lucy ask him if he could put me under for it or give some kind of sedative. The doctor responded that there was no time, he had to stop the bleeding now and get the placenta out. I then proceeded to go through the most physically painful experience of my life. I would gladly give birth again and again before going through that again. The doctor reached inside my womb with his fist and part of his arm and manually removed my placenta. This did not happen in one quick motion though. The placenta was still attached with membranes, and being that it was so important it be removed in one piece, he continued to go in again and again trying to get it. I didn’t scream during labor but I found myself screaming in pain during the procedure. I am so thankful for John and Lucy who were by my side the whole time. Lucy talked so calmly and soothingly to me and kept reminding me to breath through the pain and helped me to focus. And John was a source of strength to me the whole time as well. At one point I grabbed what I thought was his hand, but he later told me was his armpit, and squeezed as tightly as I could. He was so gracious and endured it as I pinched and twisted and apparently left a bruise. I heard the doctor say he had gotten the placenta out, and then a second later say no he had to go back in, I began crying and begging him, “Please no.” He went in one last time and finally got it. It was finally over. He had to stitch me a bit, but after that I was taken to my room where my beautiful baby girl was waiting for me. They had checked her in the nursery and she was fine and healthy.
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| Right after the procedure |
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| Everyone admiring baby Anna |
I was so weak and exhausted yet so aware of how grateful I was to be alive, and what a privilege it was to be baby Anna’s mother. I spent one night and two days in the hospital and the whole time I reflected on what had happened. Honestly I’m still processing it. I came face to face with the reality of my own mortality and death. I saw death in my best friend’s eyes when she looked at me. I felt first hand the truth of God’s strength being made perfect in our weakness. When I had no more physical strength left in me, God’s strength was enough. I remember Lucy telling me exactly that right before I passed out the first time, “Pearl, all your strength is now gone but this is when God’s strength will carry you through.” One of the first things I said when I got to the hospital room was that I don’t regret our decision to have a home birth, and I still don’t even in light of what happened. First of all the placenta being retained had nothing to do with where we chose to have the birth. But more than that, I experienced something I wouldn’t trade for the world. I got to see my husband fight for me in a way I will never forget. John turned into Mr. Warrior man and went to battle for me both in the spiritual realm, but also in the physical as he was so focused to get the ambulance etc… and just calm. I also learned something about myself that I’ve often wondered, but now I know with certainty… I am not afraid of death or of dying. In the midst of everything I had such a strong peace it was indescribable. A peace you can only have if you know Jesus, the One who holds the keys of life and death, and if you know that you know that you know that you know where you’re going after death. I have the assurance of salvation, and I know that now better than ever before, and no one can persuade me otherwise.
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| Leaving the hospital |
Going home was hard for both John and me. John went home first to get a few things for the night we stayed in the hospital. He said that as soon as he walked into our room, and saw where I had passed out on the floor, he literally fell to his knees and wept before God as he was overwhelmed with the emotion of it all. I was still quite weak when I got home so John carried me up the five flights of stairs!
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| My Hero |
When I got home from the hospital and walked into the room, I too was overwhelmed. John and I embraced as we both just wept in each other’s arms. Even after being home for a month now it still hits me hard. Even though Lilian did an amazing job of cleaning everything up before we got home, there is a small spot on the wall near our bed with some blood splatters that I can’t bring myself to wipe off. It is a constant reminder to me of how fragile and precious life is, and what a gift it is. Every time I hold Anna, I’m so thankful to be her mom, and to be alive to watch her grow up, it’s a privilege not a right. Lucy later told me that every time I passed out, all of a sudden Anna would begin crying, and Lucy would go over to her and tell her, “It’s ok, your mommy is going to be ok.” Anna knew, and who knows if her cries were her prayers to God for me as well. Lilian later told me that she called her parents, waking them up in the middle of the night, asking them to begin praying for me, which they did. Others too have told me that they were praying for me right when everything was happening. I am convinced of the power of prayer; especially that of my husband’s for his family.
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| Privileged to be a mom |
Even though this has been a long post, I don’t feel I’ve even begun to scratch the surface in sharing this story. There is so much more detail I’ve left out; so much emotion and thoughts uncaptured. It is a story I think I might spend a long time to come learning how to tell. It has profoundly changed me. I wanted to share it with you all, mostly to thank you for your prayers. Even though most of you didn’t know, and are learning about this story for the first time as you read this, your prayers played a role, and I truly believe that. Even if you didn’t know what your prayers were going toward, God did and He heard them. I’m also sharing this story to give glory where glory is due, and that is to Jesus who conquered death once and for all.
“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?....But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:55;57
Please continue to pray for me as I continue to recover and gain strength. Recovery has been slow. I began bleeding quite heavily again about 2 weeks after I came home, and had to go back to the hospital and get some more shots and meds, but I’m doing much better now. Lilian stayed three weeks with us, doing almost everything, so I could stay in bed, rest and bond with baby. I am so thankful for such a good friend. Baby Anna is doing very well and growing fast. Please continue to pray for her and for us as a family.
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20
